Going Back To The Old Days: What It Meant To Grow

On the reflection of me and your childhood hence how it effects our decision during teenage year.

These days, I always catch myself reminiscing my old memories, contemplating and self-reflecting. Somehow It brought me a warm feeling of nostalgia that I needed from trying to survive in this fast paced chaotic world. I remember growing up back in the day as the early 2000’s kid, time was much simpler back then. Coming back home, the biggest concern I have on my mind is that I needed to be there waiting for my friend to come back to his home so we could decide what game we are going to partake in, seeing the enjoyment from our play, the neighbourhood kids would later join us one by one. I have the privilege of experiencing a childhood in a time and place where technologies are not accessble to the majority of households, it would be considered lucky to even have a TV, if so we wouldn't have that many channels for us to surf that allowed us to indulge and splurge our time away. We experienced some connection on more of a deeper level, the fight and screaming only led to a forgiveness that was unintended or sometimes our mom would just force us to do it instead because of our unwillingness to do it. Though our brain has not matured to the far extent yet, looking back, no matter the stories of bad and good,  because of the complexity shown in vibrance nuances, these relationships are able to serve us the story to look back at when our lives fall into much chaos. We are innoccent, the world has not yet blighted us, we found bliss from our ignorance toward everyone and anything. 
In this blink of an eye, suddenly now we are adolescent, filled with angst and our resentment toward everyone is justified by the disappointment we have for the world. What felt like days ago prompted a much naive soul in an ever-lasting development in our body till we reach our adulthood. We are preoccupied with work, the pressure to be well in school that when long enough we realise it's rather an investment for our future career rather than activities for our soul toward self discoveries and world knowledge. The more time we get to experience what being a teenager is like, the more we truly understand the reality of it, not the glitz and glam of the glamo

urising stories we heard from our older relatives or the media we consumed while we were kids. Complexities of feeling that we never knew existed before, it is hard to explain to people about what you are going through, how do you even explain to your asian parents these constant feelings of melancholy and sadness because the answer we would get is ‘‘oh why don't you try to be happy instead?’’, thank you but how we wish it is that easy. 
There are moments where our baggage and egos just suddenly drop into stillness, so life can now allow time for beauties in. With moments that as rare as this, time stop, past and future is just a fabricated concept, it is truly our concious that we blissfully experience the present. But life moves on as it always balances itself out in the end. The world presents itself as a confused, misty and hazy place, fortunately and unfortunately it is the fact we have to deal with. We thought how good it would feel if there was someone who was simply there to guide us so we wouldn't come across the same mistake again and again. Love, loss, grieve, let go, repeat, living is the most fatigued and worn out roller coaster we are led to encounter since birth, as small as we are, our trials and turbulence aren't in the universe's concern. It is truly a miracle that we made it this far, we got so much to thank for. 
As we have gotten older and older, the fuzzy image we have in our head is like a film roll. It automatically takes out scenes that aren't highlighted and aren't making significant impacts in our life, making us forget trivial details thus the obliteration of the whole thing. People can view their childhood through a lens of an ideal that they had accumulated over the years even if it isn't true or not.
The fact is that the more time we spend hanging on to the past, the more power we have given the memories to alternate and switch for our preferred end. This idea then played into our percieve perception thus having the effect of how we act and view our present life. When challenges present themselves on numerous occasions unexpectedly, we find ourselves having to invent a coping mechanism rooted from our fear in the course of verklempt. The purpose is to negate ourselves. Our memories of our past are hurtful but our comfort and familiarity of our loiter made it more barbel to stay. It is rather more painful when one has chosen the decision for change, to bear attention toward our past wounds during solitude. The reality is you won't find the truth to solutions by winding in the past. The more we distract ourselves and try to make ourselves feel comfortable again, we would never leave our circle we were once in, which is a vital opportunity for you to start exploring the source of your issues that you dealt with. 
To explore means to grow, to develop and honour our past experience subconsciously in connection with the whole vibrancy of the good and bad moments. By starting to claim our attention back we start to empower ourselves with differences, especially healthy and positive perceptions in conquering our hardship. This also means it is possible to unchain the boundless curiosity and to experience the freshness of innocence within ourselves, something that we craved so much for again. Contemplating what you want is the first step to rediscover freely just for the sake of our enjoyment or love for it, whether it is your career, social life, romance or hobby. Trusting the satisfaction from our process and the time it took for God to know how long will be our mental fuel that will lead to our ultimate satifaction. We can identify the controllable and uncontrollable which is so necessary to know for sure where it is appropriate to focus our energy in the future. 
Our acceptance from our complicated everyday issues is the act we came to term and proudly proceed to celebrate how far we become instead of unnecessary rejection toward it. By obtaining, choosing the act of surrendering is by no means trying hard to forget the past but seeing from the perspective of much curiosity, this is to discover whether it will serve you in a way or won't. Realising that by not letting go, we are holding on to the past to seek for bewildered guidance when it is truly the responsibility in our current to whether these powers in ours we grant to menifest. 
Let the year of 2024 be our year that we have time to gradually heal our much misunderstood childhood in order to pursue our never ending growths.